Why Me?
by StorytheBrave
Summary: Emmett's left alone while the others are hunting, and Bella comes over. Bruises, accents, and more! Hilarity ensuse, will Bella survive...FUNNY It gets better after chapter 1, so continue, don't just read the first and forget about it!
1. Bruises and Arguments

BPOV

I walked into the Cullen's living room on tiptoe, being ever-so-quiet not to disturb the gigantic vampire on the coach, I really didn't want to talk to him. My weekend was already bad. Edward was gone, and my period started. Great. But no such luck, his head flashed to mine so fast it was blurred.

"Bella! I'm so bored! Play with me!" I imagined him as a big dog, holding the stick he wanted me to throw for him.

"Emmett, Emmett!" His bouncing shaking the floor, the windows vibrating, "I'm just here to pick up something from Edward I forgot yesterday." Emmett's eyes fell to the floor, fake-sniffling his nose. Yesterday I was her hanging out with Edward and Alice. I forgot my book bag, and Edward and the rest of the family; except Emmett, had gone hunting. They had left too early that Edward couldn't drop it off this morning.

"I just wan-wanted to play, Bella."

"Emmett, I don't have time, I have to get to work." I groaned, turning for the door, forget the backpack.

"I have an idea! Call in sick Bella, please, I'm so bored! I broke the game controller, so I have nothing to do! Please, please, please, please!" It was true, a destroyed game controller laid on the ground, smashed.

"Fine, but you do it for me." Handing him the cordless phone off the hook.

"Woo! I get to call Mike!"

"Don't be mean."

"That's a laugh Bella! Be-nice-to-Mike?!?!?!" He had fallen onto the floor, rolling with laughter.

"Just do what's necessary." Looking away from the monstrosity about to happen.

Emmett dialed the number, putting it on speaker so I could hear.

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

"_Hello, Newton Outfitter's, how may I help you." _Mike's nasally voice said

"Mike, this is Edward Cullen, Bella's not coming in today. We're going to be tied up today, if you know what I mean." Putting on a perfect impression of Edward, and adding a sultry tone.

"Emmett!" I hissed, hitting him in the chest.

"He'll hear you!" Emmett whispered, but I guess he didn't know the meaning of that, because Mike spoke up:

"_Cullen! Stop prank calling me, and tell Bella if she doesn't come in today, she's fired." _He yelled, a little too loud, because his mother came in from the background:

"_Michael Eugene Newton, stop yelling at customers!" _

Our eyes widened, _Eugene_?

"Well got to go, _Eugene._" Emmett chuckled, before slamming the phone down a little too hard, because the holder broke in two.

"Remind me to buy Esme a new one."

"Emmett! Did you forget what just happened? I'm going to get fired you idiot! What are we going to do?!" Rubbing my temples, I slumped into the sofa.

"Bella, what's my name?"

"Emmett-" I groaned before he cut me off

"Bella, what is my name?"

"It's Emmett."

"What's that?" Cupping his ear, of course he didn't need it.

"It's Emmett! Dear God, are you so stupid you don't know your own name?" I yelled, getting in his face. His face formed into a grimace.

"I know my own name Bella, I was just trying to make you feel better." He whimpered

"I'm sorry Emmett, I just want to ring Newton's neck so bad! Do you have any ideas?"

"Bella, never doubt my evilness." He grinned, a scary; frightening grin, forcing me to think I wasn't studying today…

I waited on the stairs, Emmett was upstairs gathering things for this prank. A few booms and slams later he was at my side.

"Ready to go?" Slipping the backpack onto my back, the weight hitting me like a sack of bricks.

"What the hell?!?!? What did you put in here?" I dropped it, a echo was heard around the house from the weight of it.

"A video camera, some tools, that's all I think." Shrugging his shoulders, "I guess your just weak."

"Sorry I'm not a super strong vampire." I sarcastically said, punching his stomach; which was rock hard. "Shit! That hurt!" Rubbing my swollen hand, a light purple bruise was making it's first appearance.

"What! I didn't make you punch me!"

"You taunted me!"

"Did not!" I screamed"Did too!" Emmett boomed

"Did not!""Did too!" By this time, I was so annoyed I threw a book at his face, my mistake. It ricocheted off the morons forehead and hit me square in the face. That's when I blacked out.

EmPOV

Crap! Bella, blacked out! Crap, crap, crap! I don't remember how to revive a person after they black out!

"Bella, Bella, Bella! Wake up, please! Edward's going to snap my head off!" Shaking her small body vigorously. Her eyelids fluttered opened.

"Why do I have a throbbing pain on my forehead?" She asked, feeling around on her head, before feeling the large knot forming. "Ouch!" Touching it again, "Ouch!"

"Why are you touching it if your hurt, jeez, you humans have to know everything."

"Shut up! Just get me off the floor please." She giggled, at least I was on her happy side now.

"Ready to see Mike cry, Bella?" I grinned, grabbing the backpack, so she wouldn't freak out having to carry it.

"Damn right I am!" Oh this will be fun…

**Your right Emmett this will be fun. Review, review, review so I have reason to update! Come on click the shiny green button, it lures you with its shininess, do it, do it, do it!**


	2. Alarms and Silky Red Shirts

BPOV

The throbbing pain hadn't subsided, even though I had a large bag of ice on the bump.

Emmett decided to just run to Newton Outfitters, rather then take his Jeep. That was too obvious, everyone in this town could distinguish the Cullen's by their cars, especially Mike.

We ran through the forest surrounding town, ending up at the back entrance of the store, Emmett revealed the plan to me:

"Ok Bella, you will distract Mike by wear this top I found in Rosalie's closest," He held up the article of clothing. The flimsy piece of fabric blew in the wind. My only reaction was to flip out.

"Em-Emmett" I stuttered, "Please tell me you grabbed the wrong top?" He just continued to grin stupidly.

"Bella, I am quite sure this is a top women wear everyday."

"Emmett, just tell me this: Did you get this our of a closet or a _drawer_?"

"What's the difference-" But I cut him off

"This difference is," raising my voice , "A closet holds clothes, regular clothes and a drawer holds _lingerie_." Saying _that _word with such hatred, I could have been talking about the Volturi.

"Well yeah, I did get this out of a drawer; but I thought it was a more fancy shirt, see how satin-y it is…" Rubbing his fingers between the fabric.

"Emmett, just continue with the plan." Hating every second of that sentence.

"Good girl, so you will distract Newton, and I'm going to be hotwiring the security system-"

"What will that do?" Not being a expertise at this sort of thing, but my eyes gleamed with satisfaction

"It will cause the metal detector to be set off anytime someone walks through. Causing Mike to go haywire from all the alarms going off."

"Oh…" This actually sounded foul-proof.

"So why don't you go change in that bush, and I'll meet you on the side of the building." Slipping a unknown black ski-cap onto his head.

I looked at the horrid thing, wondering if I really was going to put this on. What would Edward say. I shuddered. I slipped the red satin camisole with its black lace over my head. I grimaced in horror when I looked down. This _thing _showed too much cleavage, not that I had any; the only thing that kept this thing on me was two thin straps of satin. I gathered up all the self-respect I still had and walked to where Emmett waited.

"Ohhhh girl you workin' that thing" Emmett said in a very believable voice

"Thanks, Emmett." My face burning with the subtle increase of my embarrassment. I heard a small _ding, _and Emmett turned to me with a palm sized video camera. It's red light glowing.

"No Emmett!" I cried, shoving my hands into the lens.

"Bella! We have to record this. For one day you will be immortal, and won't remember much of your human time. So we must make most of the time we have." Pausing the recording, causing the light to flash.

"Well since you put it that way, go ahead. My dignity is already shot." I mumbled.

We creeped along the side of the building until we reached the front door. A few stray hikers walked in, and then a clear patch.

"Okay go." Emmett whispered; it would have been impossible to hear unless I wasn't next to him.

I took my signal; smoothed out my shirt; and then pushed the door open. A breath of cool air relived me of the humidity I walked in from. I walked carefully to the counter, so I would not trip; where Mike stood. He was turned around, fixing something behind him.

I made it to the counter before he could turn around.

"Hello Mike." I made my breath as sexy as possible.

He waved a hand through his hair, and turned on his heel. I had been leaning on the counter, showing my cleavage.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" His nasally voice asked.

"Yes." I sighed, batting my eyelashes. From behind me I heard a piece of metal drop, but before I looked, Emmett was gone.

"What-what are you doing here?" He stuttered, I caught him peering down my shirt. I straightened up, extending my arm to touch the collar of his shirt.

"Oh Mike, how you look so dashing in that uniform." My fingers played along the fringe of the worn shirt. I tried to hide the shutter that ran up my spine.

But I was saved by a customer ready to check out, carrying boots and a thermos.

"Did-did you find everything alright." He swallowed largely, hardly paying attention to the customer, who was growing impatient; but more to me.

"_Wait for me?" _He mouthed

"I'll be outside, behind the store." I said in a sultry voice, before walking quickly out the door.

When I reached the side of the building, Emmett waited for me; leaning against the wall, a smug look on his face.

"Nice work Agent B." He tried his best James Bond voice.

"Thanks Agent E." I replied, my impersonation sounded slurred. But our fun was interrupted when a high pitched wailing sound, and Mike came shouting after the customer who had been at the counter with me.

"Hey! Get back here!" Mike called but the guy just gave him the finger and jumped into his truck. The wailing sound continued, causing me to cover my ears. Emmett just laughed.

"It doesn't hurt your ears?" I asked

"Bella, I've heard sounds worse than you will ever hear in the worst horror movies." He chuckled; glimpsing off into a memory.

"Crap! Why won't this this shut off?" Mike cried trying to shut the alarm off.

"Sounds like he's going to be busy for a while." I giggled

"Sure is, I mixed those wires up to the point of no return." He motioned for me to climb on his back. The wailing sounds followed us until we reached the Cullen's house.

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"Well that was fun." I leaned into the sofa's cushion, and closed my eyes. I had change back into my polo, feeling comfortable again.

"Glad you agreed." Emmett was doing something, but I was too tired to open my eyes.

After a few minutes of silence Emmett spoke up:

"Hey, Bella…" He walked closer, his footsteps becoming louder.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to have some more fun?" I opened my eyes to see him nose to nose with me.

"Whoa!" I tumbled off the couch.

"Well?" He became impatient

"Why not. I have nothing to do now, and Edward will find out because you taped everything, I don't see anything wrong with that." I actually was enjoying myself.

"Oh this is going to be fun!" Emmett boomed, pulling me up by my hand so fast that I flew foreword into his steel chest.

"Ouch! There's another bruise." I groaned. And Emmett just chuckled.

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	3. Poker Face and Jukeboxes

EmPOV

I'm glad I was getting Bella into the fun way of vampire life. Hang around with Edward and you could contract a eating disorder.

I pulled her up by the hand and she smacked into my chest.

"Ouch! That's another bruise." She groaned. Jeez she was breakable, an hour with me and she already had a swollen hand, head, and shoulder.

But that didn't matter, we were about to endure in some all out fun.

"Bella, do you want to go to a bar?" I asked in a sweet voice.

"No." She answered sternly, "If Charlie found out he would destroy me, and what bars are around Forks anyways." She was too careful, we needed some fun! Since I could see she was not going to give up her fight, I grabbed her by her legs and swung her over my shoulder.

"Emmett!" She squealed. Kicking her little stick-legs. As I ran to my Jeep, a familiar smell reached my nose.

"Jasper?" I asked to the darkness, Bella stopped kicking. Oh great! The funs over!

"Hey Emmett." He replied casually walking out of the darkness. "What's up?"

"I should be asking you that. Are you here to ruin our fun?" I let Bella down, her face flushed.

"Actually, Edward sent me after Alice saw you guys pulling pranks. I'm supposed to be spying on you." He shrugged his shoulders, "But… Since your going to a bar, I guess I have to come with." He suggested.

"You promise you won't tell, Bella needs to have some fun. Welcome aboard bro!" I high-five him. He grinned, looking over at Bella.

"Bella, what happened to you head, hand, and shoulder?" Raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, just roughed it. Threw a book, flew into Emmett's chest, and punched him…" She bit her lip.

"Nice, I was wondering when you would get your battle scars." He chuckled as we got into my truck. Bella almost falling while she attempted to get into the car.

"Bella, we can't break you now, we haven't done anything dangerous." I grinned, humans are too much fun.

"Where are we going to find a bar near here anyways?" She peered over my seat.

"There's a couple in Port Angles. I'm sure we can find one that help our thirst…" I mysteriously said.

"But you guys don't even drink! What are you planning Emmett!" I leaned over to Jasper in the passenger seat to tell him the plan. Causing Bella to turn red with fury.

But I was cut off by the best song in the world: Poker Face.

"_I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas please_

_Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me…" _The radio blasted, Jasper and I singing along.

"Turn it down!" Bella screamed

"Its Poker Face Bella, our song." And I continued to sing along:

"_No he can't read my poker face…" _We sang, Bella covering her ears. Cars we passed looked at us in horror.

BPOV

"_P-p-poker face, p-p-poker face!" _Emmett screamed, as he raised his speed to 80mph on a 50mph road.

"Emmett! Please don't be reckless. Do you remember, I CAN DIE!" I screamed over the song.

"Oh, sorry, just my natural driving speed." He lowered it to 60mph, much better.

"Thank you." I breathed as we passed the Entering Port Angles sign.

Emmett turned left on Main Street, and cutting through a alley, before stopping at a rustic bar.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Sure thing. Now can you put on this tasty little dress and shoes." Handing me a black and tan polyester mini dress that hit me above the knee, and the shoes. These monsters we all black and had a 4in heel.

"No Emmett! I will not put this on!" I screamed down the alley where they waited.

"Bella! It will be fun, trust us!" He screamed back. Clearly wanting to do this badly.

"Fine." I huffed to myself. Slipping the tiny dress, and put on the devil shoes. Why me? I asked myself before a groggy, drunk voice came up behind me.

"Hey, pretty lady. You want to get out of here." He slurred. His face was unshaven and scarred.

"No thanks." I tried to gather my things, but he backed me into the wall.

"Come on, you look like you need some fun."

"I said no!" Hurling the heel of my shoe between his legs.

"Shit girl!" He bended over in pain, but I had started running, and I couldn't hear him anymore.

"Emmett!" I screamed when I met them in front of the bar.

"What." He looked over at me.

"Did you not hear me about to get RAPED!" I shouted

"No." He simply said.

"Thank God for these shoes." I looked down at the death traps. Never would I say this in any other circumstances.

"Lets just get inside." Emmett eyed the other drunken people.

"Kay" And I followed them inside.

The room was cloudy with smoke, and the clacking of pool balls and beer mugs were the only sounds I could make out.

"Come on" We moved through the room quickly, going to the back where the bar was.

A young bartender was serving a group of men. He turned to us.

"Hey, how may I help you?" He asked, his nametag said Austin.

"Hey Austin, could you get our little sister here a shot of vodka." Jasper spoke clearly, while I would have stumbled over my words.

"Are you sure you can drink?" He said, taking in my appearance.

"Does it matter." I batted my eyelashes, and leaned over on the counter.

"Well, you guys look old enough, here you go." Austin slid over 3shot glasses filled with a clear liquid.

"Are you serious, I've never drunk in my life." Eyeing Emmett, who had a grin on his face. Clearly he knew something I didn't.

"Come on Bella, we won't let it go too far." He promised, putting on a believable face, and taking out the video camera.

I cautiously took one of the glasses into my hand, put it to my lips and slung my head back.

"Dear God that burns!" I cried, Jasper stifling a laugh, Emmett egged me on: "Come on, one more, one more!" He boomed, causing several heads to turn my way. I flushed in embarrassment.

"Fine."

I took the second shot, and placed it to my lips, slinging my head back a funny sensation filled my stomach.

I took the third shot, enjoying myself so much I asked for three more. Emmett and Jasper grinning widely. I took the three more shots, becoming strangely hyper, I begged Emmett for a quarter.

"Please Emmy! Can I have a quarter, please!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out one, and handed it to me with a confused face.

"You'll see." I slurred, and I clumsily ran to the jukebox that sat in the corner. Putting in my quarter I selected a classic song: I love rock n roll by Joan Jett.

People in the bar started to clap, and I did something risky. I climbed onto the bar counter, and started to dance and sing.

"Go Bella!" Two vampires shouted.

I danced on the bar for who knows how long, because people kept putting quarters into the jukebox. I caught men looking up my dress. I had the urge to kick them, but was too drunk to realize what was happening.

Before I knew it, pieces of paper started to fly at me. Numbers. Now I have that to explain when Edward comes home.

"I'll be sure to call you Nick!" I screamed to the audience that crowded around me.

We had been in the bar for 4hours and I was beginning to get groggy.

"Emmett, Jazzy! Can I go home now?" I yelled from the counter. Emmett had the video camera out still and had been recording all of this.

"Yes Bella, we can." He came and scooped me off the counter by my legs and slung me over his shoulder.

"Say goodnight Bella." Jasper told me

"Goodnight Boston, I love you!" And we marched out the door, we were followed by applause.

While we walked to the Jeep I started to randomly sing:

"You can read my Poker face, p-p-poker face!" I sang before passing out on the back seat.

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	4. Hangovers and Haircuts

JPOV

Looking backed at a passed out Bella, I smiled. This is what brother-sister bonding time is made of, getting your sister drunk.

"So Emmett, what do we have for Bella next?" I asked him into the camera.

"Oh… Remember when Britney Spears shaved her head?" Emmett responding, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Of course, one of the funniest Hollywood moments ever." Reflecting on that day, laughing at the memory.

"Well, since Bella is drunk beyond sensible, we should do the same." Looking back at the girl, grinning wildly.

"No Emmett." I sternly said.

"I think you mean, yes Emmett."

"No, what would Edward say; what would Alice say?" Grimacing in horror as I imagined my wife slapping us.

"Come on, hair grows. And she has a healthy head too, no problem." Not taking his eyes off mine, but continued to drive perfectly.

"Well…" Considering the idea.

"See, not bad at all." He smiled like the cat in Alice in Wonderland.

"Edward! The poker chips are chasing me!" She cried in her sleep, tumbling off the bench.

"Oh yeah, this will be fun." Emmett's eyes gleamed.

We arrived home in perfect timing, the sun reflecting off the distant mountains as it rose.

"Come on Bella" I groaned, pulling her limp body into my arms.

"No Captain Jack, I don't want to get on your ship!" She groggily said, her eyelids opening slightly.

"Jazzy, why am I still in your arms?" Her eyes beginning to close again. "Your going to a magical place Bella, where the sun is warm and a bucket of chicken is waiting for you." I came up with the most appetizing thing I could think of.

"Ok." She simply said, she fell back to sleep; soft snores were the only things coming out of her mouth.

Emmett was waiting in the living room, in his hands was a clipper ; a chair was placed in front of a mirror.

"Emmett, are you sure…" I began wondering if this was ok to do.

"Of course! Its totally safe, trust me." He answered, "Now come on, put Bella down for a seat." Doing a bad impersonation of Sweeny Todd.

"Don't try anything tricky now." Ever since he saw that movie, he's wanted to give someone a haircut.

"Of course not!" And he turned on the clippers, their humming sound echoing through the house.

BPOV

I was still tired from the night before, what _had _happened? Of course I wanted to sleep more, I only woke up because a annoying buzzing sound was in my ear.

"Stupid bee" I groaned, to tired to open my eyes. But instead of a sting, I heard a chuckled. Not only that but the feeling of my hair getting brushed was happening.

"What the…?" Feeling my head, instead of my heavy hair I felt nothing. _Nothing_. Where was my hair?

Opening my eyes for the first time, I looked back at a person that looked like me. But there was something different: She had no hair; just a shiny, bald head.

"What. The. Fuck." My mouth gaped at the bald creature in the mirror. And suddenly a second person, and then a third appeared in the mirror. Emmett and Jasper, in Emmett's hand he had the clippers.

"Emmett!!" I blew, though I was drossy; my eyes started to close, but I forced them open.

"I like your haircut Bella." He smiled, causing me to scream more.

"You. Are. The. Devil." I stated before chasing him around the room with such speed, Jasper stared.

Grabbing a lamp(the closest thing to me at the time.) I hummed it at his head. The rod iron post made a _ding_ as it crumpled to the floor. I chased him around the room, up the stairs, and into the bedrooms.

"You will die!" I screeched, jumping from the stairs onto his back. I had grabbed a aluminum bat from Emmett and Rose's, and started banging it against his head. The jackasses head just causing it to dent.

Jasper had retrieved the video camera from Emmett's backpack, recording this whole fight. A frightened look upon his face made it clear he didn't want this treatment.

"Bella- Ow!- Bella!-" He screamed as I continued to grab random items and hitting his head with them.

A sudden hiss and a door swinging open stopped my mad rage.

"Bella?" My one love asked, not sure of who I was.

"Bella!" Alice gasped, she ran through the door and started to slap Emmett.

"Alice you don't understand!" Emmett cried.

"Oh, what don't I understand Emmett? I see a bald girl here, and I had a vision that you were doing it to her. While she was drunk! I believe I can beat you senseless if I want to!" She screamed.

"Bella!" Edward ran towards me, and examined my hair. "God Lord! Never will I leave you home with this monster, I promise." He reassured me, hugging me tight.

That's when I broke down.

"But-Edward-what-about my hair!?!?!?!" I cried in-between sobs.

"Oh love, will figure something out. Alice could you find a wig for Bella online. I fear she will need to wear it while her hair grows back." He smoothly said.

"Yeah, just let me finish slapping this idiot." She smacked Emmett once more, and casually walked over to her computer, and began Google-ing.

"Thanks for making me park." Rosalie huffed, as she walked in from the garage. Sitting with her grace on the sofa opposite to us.

"Bella, why did you steal Britney Spears' haircut?" She stifled a laugh.

"Why don't you ask your husband." I sharply answered. She looked over to Emmett, who was slumped on the floor.

"Found one!" Alice sang, I clumsily ran over to her.

"Alice-" But she cut me off.

"Bella, just be happy I found one that is actually cute." She rolled her eyes, as if shopping for wigs was something she did on a regular basis.

I had to admit it was pretty cute- it had layers and bangs. Not as long as my old hair, that laid in clumps under the chair. I would live.

But I was taken by surprise as a nauseous sensation came over me; I ran to the sink.

"Ah! And I thought I would be able to skip this part!" Edward came over to me, the bravest of his siblings; the others just sat and looked disgusted.

"What would you be able to skip?" His eyebrows formed in a questioned look.

"Emmett took me drinking last night, and now I'm experiencing the hangover." I slurred, leaning against him; falling asleep.

"Is that why your wearing a dress and high heels." He leaned me away for a second, taking in my outfit.

"Yes." I simply answered, before sleep overcame me.

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**_My friend gave me the idea for this story, and I loved it! More to come in the next chapter. Please, please, please review! I really want alot of reviews. So tell your friends and moms to read and review this story! I would right more but I'm extremely tired (I ran a 5k and went to a pool party) and can't write anymore!_**


	5. Waking and Watching

BPOV

I woke up laying on the couch, my head in Edward's lap. Emmett and Rosalie were opposite to us, with Alice and Jasper standing at the computer.

"Hey." I stretched, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Good Morn-well evening if you say 2:00am is evening." Edward greeted me. When did I fall asleep? The last thing I remembered was throwing up…

I was going to rub my hand through my hair when I felt nothing.

"Where's my hair?" I asked, Emmett not making eye contact with me.

"Um… Bella, do you remember what happened last night?" Edward calmly asked.

"No."

"Well, Emmett thought it would be funny to shave your head… Like Britney Spears." That's when it hit me. It was fuzzy. A pair of clippers, a aluminum bat… It came flooding back.

"EMMETT!" I blew, his hands flew to his face protectively.

"Bella, Bella." Edward soothed, but I was too mad.

I grabbed a candle off the coffee table and hummed it at his face. The candle broke into millions of pieces.

Edward was able to grab my arms, and hold them around my back.

"Let go." I snarled

"No, not until you calm down." He rubbed my arms. I blew a breath out.

"Kay…" I huffed, dropping into the sofa again.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Alice ordered you a wig, it will be here in a few hours." Emmett begged.

"No." I stated.

"Please"

"No."

"Please"

"No."

"Please!" He got onto his knees, clasped his hands, and continued to beg.

"Fine!" I gave in, "But you have to tell Charlie what happened, or he'll think I did drugs."

"Of course." Rosalie answered for him.

"Well… Since we're all squared away, why don't we watch the videos we took." Emmett ran and grabbed the camera from the table. He found a plug and attached it to the TV.

A few seconds later a picture came on.

"_Ohhhh girl you workin' that thing" Emmett said in a very believable voice_

"_Thanks, Emmett." My face burning with the subtle increase of my embarrassment. I heard a small ding, and Emmett turned to me with a palm sized video camera. It's red light glowing._

"_No Emmett!" I cried, shoving my hands into the lens. _

"_Bella! We have to record this. For one day you will be immortal, and won't remember much of your human time. So we must make most of the time we have." Pausing the recording, causing the light to flash._

"_Well since you put it that way, go ahead. My dignity is already shot." I mumbled._

_We creeped along the side of the building until we reached the front door. A few stray hikers walked in, and then a clear patch. _

"_Okay go." Emmett whispered; it would have been impossible to hear unless I wasn't next to him._

_I took my signal; smoothed out my shirt; and then pushed the door open. A breath of cool air relived me of the humidity I walked in from. I walked carefully to the counter, so I would not trip; where Mike stood. He was turned around, fixing something behind him._

_I made it to the counter before he could turn around._

"_Hello Mike." I made my breath as sexy as possible._

_He waved a hand through his hair, and turned on his heel. I had been leaning on the counter, showing my cleavage._

"_Bella? Bella Swan?" His nasally voice asked._

"_Yes." I sighed, batting my eyelashes. From behind me I heard a piece of metal drop, but before I looked, Emmett was gone._

"_What-what are you doing here?" He stuttered, I caught him peering down my shirt. I straightened up, extending my arm to touch the collar of his shirt._

"_Oh Mike, how you look so dashing in that uniform." My fingers played along the fringe of the worn shirt. I tried to hide the shutter that ran up my spine. _

_But I was saved by a customer ready to check out, carrying boots and a thermos._

"_Did-did you find everything alright." He swallowed largely, hardly paying attention to the customer, who was growing impatient; but more to me. _

"_Wait for me?" He mouthed_

"_I'll be outside, behind the store." I said in a sultry voice, before walking quickly out the door. _

_When I reached the side of the building, Emmett waited for me; leaning against the wall, a smug look on his face. _

"_Nice work Agent B." He tried his best James Bond voice._

"_Thanks Agent E." I replied, my impersonation sounded slurred. But our fun was interrupted when a high pitched wailing sound, and Mike came shouting after the customer who had been at the counter with me. _

"_Hey! Get back here!" Mike called but the guy just gave him the finger and jumped into his truck. The wailing sound continued, causing me to cover my ears. Emmett just laughed. _

"_It doesn't hurt your ears?" I asked_

"_Bella, I've heard sounds worse than you will ever hear in the worst horror movies." He chuckled; glimpsing off into a memory._

"_Crap! Why won't this this shut off?" Mike cried trying to shut the alarm off. _

"_Sounds like he's going to be busy for a while." I giggled_

"_Sure is, I mixed those wires up to the point of no return." He motioned for me to climb on his back. The wailing sounds followed us until we reached the Cullen's house._

Everyone sat in silence until the end, when they busted into laughter.

"Nice Bella." Rosalie congratulated me, "And I want my top back." She said sternly.

"I put it in your room." I blushed, looking over at Edward, who seemed frozen. "Edward… EDWARD!!" I screamed, shaking him.

"Yeah… Yeah, I'll be okay. Bella… WOW." He caused me to blush more.

"All my idea too." Emmett grinned, fast forwarding to the next recording.

"_Where are we going to find a bar near here anyways?" She peered over my seat. _

"_There's a couple in Port Angles. I'm sure we can find one that help our thirst…" I mysteriously said._

"_But you guys don't even drink! What are you planning Emmett!" I leaned over to Jasper in the passenger seat to tell him the plan. Causing Bella to turn red with fury._

_But I was cut off by the best song in the world: Poker Face._

"_I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas please_

_Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me…" The radio blasted, Jasper and I singing along._

"_Turn it down!" Bella screamed_

"_Its Poker Face Bella, our song." And I continued to sing along:_

"_No he can't read my poker face…" _

"_P-p-poker face, p-p-poker face!" Emmett screamed, _

"_Emmett! Please don't be reckless. Do you remember, I CAN DIE!" _

"_Oh, sorry, just my natural driving speed." He lowered it to 60mph, much better._

"_Thank you." _

_Emmett turned left on Main Street, and cutting through a alley, before stopping at a rustic bar. _

"_Are you sure about this?" _

"_Sure thing. Now can you put on this tasty little dress and shoes." Handing me a black and tan polyester mini dress that hit me above the knee, and the shoes. These monsters we all black and had a 4in heel. _

"_No Emmett! I will not put this on!" I screamed _

"_Bella! It will be fun, trust us!" He screamed back._

"_Fine." I huffed to myself. Slipping the tiny dress, and put on the devil shoes. Why me? I asked myself before a groggy, drunk voice came up behind me._

"_Hey, pretty lady. You want to get out of here." He slurred. His face was unshaven and scarred._

"_No thanks." I tried to gather my things, but he backed me into the wall. _

"_Come on, you look like you need some fun."_

"_I said no!" Hurling the heel of my shoe between his legs._

"_Shit girl!" He bended over in pain, but I had started running, and I couldn't hear him anymore._

"_Emmett!" I screamed when I met them in front of the bar. _

"_What." He looked over at me._

"_Did you not hear me about to get RAPED!" I shouted_

"_No." He simply said._

"_Thank God for these shoes." I looked down at the death traps. Never would I say this in any other circumstances._

"_Lets just get inside." Emmett eyed the other drunken people._

"_Kay" And I followed them inside._

_The room was cloudy with smoke, and the clacking of pool balls and beer mugs were the only sounds I could make out._

"_Come on" We moved through the room quickly, going to the back where the bar was. _

_A young bartender was serving a group of men. He turned to us._

"_Hey, how may I help you?" He asked, his nametag said Austin._

"_Hey Austin, could you get our little sister here a shot of vodka." Jasper spoke clearly, while I would have stumbled over my words._

"_Are you sure you can drink?" He said, taking in my appearance. _

"_Does it matter." I batted my eyelashes, and leaned over on the counter._

"_Well, you guys look old enough, here you go." Austin slid over 3shot glasses filled with a clear liquid._

"_Are you serious, I've never drunk in my life." Eyeing Emmett, who had a grin on his face. Clearly he knew something I didn't._

"_Come on Bella, we won't let it go too far." He promised, putting on a believable face, and taking out the video camera._

_I cautiously took one of the glasses into my hand, put it to my lips and slung my head back._

"_Dear God that burns!" I cried, Jasper stifling a laugh, Emmett egged me on: "Come on, one more, one more!" He boomed, causing several heads to turn my way. I flushed in embarrassment._

"_Fine." _

_I took the second shot, and placed it to my lips, slinging my head back a funny sensation filled my stomach. _

_I took the third shot, enjoying myself so much I asked for three more. Emmett and Jasper grinning widely. I took the three more shots, becoming strangely hyper, I begged Emmett for a quarter. _

"_Please Emmy! Can I have a quarter, please!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out one, and handed it to me with a confused face._

"_You'll see." I slurred, and I clumsily ran to the jukebox that sat in the corner. Putting in my quarter I selected a classic song: I love rock n roll by Joan Jett. _

_People in the bar started to clap, and I did something risky. I climbed onto the bar counter, and started to dance and sing._

"_Go Bella!" Two vampires shouted. _

_I danced on the bar for who knows how long, because people kept putting quarters into the jukebox. I caught men looking up my dress. I had the urge to kick them, but was too drunk to realize what was happening. _

_Before I knew it, pieces of paper started to fly at me. Numbers. Now I have that to explain when Edward comes home. _

"_I'll be sure to call you Nick!" I screamed to the audience that crowded around me. _

_We had been in the bar for 4hours and I was beginning to get groggy. _

"_Emmett, Jazzy! Can I go home now?" I yelled from the counter. Emmett had the video camera out still and had been recording all of this. _

"_Yes Bella, we can." He came and scooped me off the counter by my legs and slung me over his shoulder. _

"_Say goodnight Bella." Jasper told me_

"_Goodnight Boston, I love you!" And we marched out the door, we were followed by applause._

_While we walked to the Jeep I started to randomly sing:_

"_You can read my Poker face, p-p-poker face!" I sang before passing out on the back seat._

All eyes were upon me as the video ended.

"Well now I know what to get you for Christmas Emmett." Edward broke the silence, "And you too Jazz." Jasper grinned, but turned his face back to the computer, obviously devoted to something else.

"Who got you that dress?" Alice chirped from the computer.

"Emmett." I simply said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Rosalie, I have reason to question your husbands sexuality everyday." Alice smugly said looking over at Emmett.

"Me too, Alice, me too." Rose said

"Next thing!" Emmett sang

"Oh no, I think everyone knows about that one." I ran over and unplugged the cord, everyone nodded in unison.

"Well Carlisle and Esme aren't going to be back for a while, what do we do?" Edward asked…

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**_Alright! I finished the first part of this story! So now I get to begin with the truth or dare segment! BUT!!!!!!!! I need your ideas, please, please, please review or PM me ideas! Or just review! (As you can tell I like reviews:) Now GO! Press the green button..._**


	6. Bets and Balls

BPOV

"You guys ever heard of Putt-Putt?" I excitedly asked.

"Bella, we don't live in a cave, of course we have." Alice's eyes gleamed, having seen a interesting vision.

"That sounds like fun, lets go!" Emmett bellowed, grabbing Rosalie by the hand, walking to the door.

"Wait!" I cried, "I will not be going out like this." I stated pointing to my now-bald head.

"Well… I guess then we'll have to wait." Emmett said, disappointed.

Three hours may seem like a short time, but not with vampires. As soon as the plans were made, Alice dragged both me and Rosalie to her room.

"But why do we have change?" I whined.

"Because you don't expect me to let you out on the town with that outfit on, do you?" She pointed to my ratty sweater and jeans.

"But!-" I cried, but she cut me off

"No buts about it Bella!" She stated, "I'm giving you a makeover and that's final! ROSALIE GRAB THE SHOVEL!" She cried, pointing to the closet

"What the-!" I wailed

"Language Bella." Alice cooed.

"But why do you need a shovel?" I asked, horrified

"I just got carried away."

And she swept me off to the bathroom….

And that's why I look like this now.

I was in a _short _dress, that Alice said, "_Was waiting for me at the store._" With my feet in a patent grey leather pump. Both Alice and Rosalie looked like runaway, runway models. Alice was in a new grey silk mini dress with a black leather belt. And Rosalie in a stunning tiny chiffon leopard dress.

Looking around at the now deserted living room, Alice answered my thoughts,

"They are getting ready." She causally said, looking at her hair in a compact mirror.

"Oh." I said, wanting Edward more than ever.

"What are we doing tonight, Alice?" I really wanted to stay in my jeans and play putt-putt.

"Oh, putt-putt, as you planned…" She said mysteriously.

"Damn." I knew this meant something else.

"Okay, ready for the prom?" Emmett asked smoothly, sliding down the banister, with his sports jacket draped over his arm.

"What?!?!?!" I gasped, I do not want to go to a prom.

"Don't have a heart attack Bella, jeez, Edward's already been to Italy once." He mocked.

So I threw my grey pump at him.

"What the hell was that for!" Picking up my shoe from the floor.

"For making fun of Edward!" And I threw my other shoe at him, "Die." I stated, getting a dirty look from Rosalie.

"Thank you Bella." Edward smugly slid down the banister after Emmett, landing silently on the floor.

"Your welcome." I pressed myself to him, his scent all that surrounded me.

"Who's ready to get their asses whooped in Putt-putt?" Emmett asked.

"You are." Jasper said coolly smacking the back of Emmett's head on the way down.

"I would go and lock up your valuables cowboy, we are betting." Emmett said, leading the way to the dinning room table, now used as a meeting area.

"Dear God." Rosalie groaned.

"Alright, so if I win I get free sex rights anywhere in the house, and if Edward wins he gets: "No bagging on Debussy -or any of his classical crap-" for eternity, and if Jasper wins: Country, hick songs for road trip music every time he drives." Emmett rubbed his hands together, looking devious as he shook hands with his brothers.

"Fine." Jasper said

"Fine." Edward echoed.

"Can we go now?" I asked, in the hour that it took them to settle the bet my new wig had arrived.

It wasn't so bad, but still I wanted my real hair. This was nice, but it itched, bad. Once again Alice had swept me up to the bathroom, propping my wig up in a bun, and with enough hair spray to kill the ozone.

As we piled into the cars, (Edward, Alice, Jasper, and I in his Volvo, Rose and Emmett in his Jeep) Alice bounced happily beside me, smiling a gleaming smile.

"What is it, Alice, tell me!" I begged.

"You'll see." She would just reply.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the Putt-Putt place, I felt at home. I missed Phoenix for things like this, putt-putt being the example. Emmett jumped out of his car, causing the ground to shake.

"Could you be any more childish?" Alice asked.

"Could you be any shorter?" Emmett shot back, Alice growled.

"Just calm down people, can we just play a game." Edward said, and pushed us towards the building.

"Hi There! Welcome to Putt-Putt Party, how many will be playing?" The employ asked, her nametag read Story. She had olive skin, her brown hair straight, and nice glasses.

"Six." Emmett said excitedly.

"Alright, here's your clubs, and you can pick out the color ball you want." She handed Emmett the receipt.

"Ha, balls." Emmett chuckled under his breath.

"What was that?" Story asked.

"Nothing." Emmett said, acting like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Thank you, and have fun!" She called as we walked out the door.

"I want pink!" Alice cried, snatching the bright pink ball.

"Fuchsia!" Rosalie called

"Blue." Emmett said

"Green." Jasper said.

"Stupid orange." Edward muttered.

"I guess I'll take purple." I said

"Who's taking score?" Jasper asked.

Everyone besides Edward chanted "Bella!"

"Okay." I agreed, something else to focus on other than my clumsy golfing.

"And let the Cullen games begin." Emmett announced in a booming reported voice.

The first hole was easy, a straight shot. Emmett, of course, went first. A split second later, and he had a hole-in-one.

"Oh Yeah! Suck it!" He cried.

"Its just hole one, you idiot." Alice said smugly.

As I wrote down the 1 under his name on the score card, Alice cried "One!"

"This will be fun." I groaned…

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**_Haha a cliff hanger!!! I just wanted to say THANK YOU my loyal and awesome fans who have stuck it out waiting for the next chapter! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I've been BUSY! Well, I will now start on the next chapter!!! _**


	7. Insults and Idaho

BPOV

Putt-Putt with vampires is… What can you say? It is completely different from human, where we aren't that into winning, except for bragging rights. With humans that lasts, say 2 hours. Vampires bragging rights are forever.

"Kiss my ass!", "Suck it!", and other things were screamed between the Cullen siblings. Mostly everyone was tied, hole-in-ones all around, except for me of course. The only Cullen that wasn't doing as good as his brothers and sisters, was Edward. He didn't want me to feel "left out" as he put it.

"Jeez, Edward!" Emmett screamed when Edward "accidentally" hit his ball on Hole 6.

Yes, out of 12 holes, we were on Hole 6.

"Emmett, shut your blood-hole." Alice shot at him. Another Cullen saying was heard tonight "Blood-hole, opposed to a human: Pie-hole".

"Cry me a river Alice. Oh that's right, you can't!" He mocked.

In defending his wife, Jasper threw his club at Emmett's head, which of course, popped in half.

"Damn-it!" So Emmett threw his club at him.

A all out Putt-Putt war started.

Balls were thrown, and smashed, fake grass torn up, all on Hole 5.

"Stop!" A new voice cut in. It was Story, the employ from earlier, and in tow, a security guard.

"People, if you don't stop I will forcibly toss you out!" She screamed, pointing to the guard.

"Fine." All the Cullen's and Hale's agreed.

"Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief, looking at Emmett, I think she decided not to "toss us out". At lest not literally.

"Why don't we all just calm down?" I said soothingly.

"No." Emmett agreed

Jesus this is going to be a long 12 Holes.

_1 and a half hours later…._

Finally! We made it to Hole 12! After a growling 7 holes, we are finally here!

"People come on!" Rosalie huffed, "We are at the _fricken_ last hole, can we finish it?"

"Thank you! If only _Edward_ would stop being a sore loser!" Emmett yelled.

"Shut up you idiot!" We all screamed back

Finally, as the tallies were finished being counted: Emmett and Jasper tied for first, and Rose and Alice for second, Edward and I finished third.

"I beat you now, haven't I Edward!" Emmett bloated

"Emmett, lets not forget that you _tied _for first, okay?" Alice said

"Fine." Emmett huffed

"Well, now that we got that out of our systems, lets get on to the main event!" Alice chirped

"Yay!" Rosalie giggled behind her as we headed to the cars.

---------------------------------------4 hours later---------------------------------------

Sitting in the back seat next to Alice I wished had a sense of adventure. Alice looked plain giddy, and Edward and Jasper shared a excited smile.

"Alice, _where the hell_ are you taking me?" I cried for the hundredth time.

"Now, now Bella, we don't want to ruin the surprise." She simply answered.

"Can you give me a hint?"

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

"No" And she stayed staring straight ahead

--------------------------------------2 hours later-------------------------------------------

As we passed the Now Entering Idaho sign, I, well, panicked.

"Alice! Please, tell me! Please! Please!" This was too weird, too, not me.

"Bella, deep breaths. In. Out. Good" She cooed

"NOW TELL ME!" I burst, getting a worried look from Edward.

"I'm so sorry that driving at night to hell knows where, in search of hell knows what in Idaho doesn't sit with me Alice!" I cried, shaking from the intensity of my hyperness.

They had fed me 5 espressos with 4 Krispy Kreme donuts, not good.

"Calm down love, Jasper, if you will." Edward soothed as a calming relief filled my body.

"Aw, Alice, I'm so sorry for yelling," My emotions kicking in, "Please forgive me Ally?" I said bashfully.

"Its alright, we're here anyway." She pointed to the neon sign hanging over a white building.

Always and Forever Wedding Chapel

NOOOO!!!!!!!!!

* * *

**_Sorry I havent updated for awhile! Going to Vegas, so I will not be updating for awhile. Thanks for cotinuing to read this story! Love ya all! _**

**_P.S. This was sort of a dribble of thoughts, I didn't write it in one sitting_**

**_Read and Review!_**


	8. No! and No!

__

A wedding chapel…

What was Alice planning now? Were Rose and Em getting married once more?

As we parked into the parking lot I looked at the board which had the list of the soon-to-be weddings. 10 am: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

"Alice, no way! NO WAY!" I screamed, starting to hyperventilate

"Bella, you did tell Edward you would marry him at a drive-through chapel, and this is the closest we can get to Vegas, so here you go." She patted my hand.

I can't get married at a Quickie Chapel, no way! As Alice grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the chapel, I threw up.

"Oh, come on, Bella!" Alice groaned as I vomited the Sun Chips I had earlier in the car.

"Please, Alice no! I can't get married, not here, not now!" Tears welled in my eyes.

"You are being over dramatic, and you know it."

Being so determined I sat down on the sidewalk, putting my full body weight to my butt. Alice still held onto my hands, lifting me up with one swift movement.

"I'm stronger than that." She said smugly.

"Wait! Where is Edward?!?" I cried, noticing he was missing.

"He's with Emmett and Jasper, doing something." She glazed off into a vision, smiling as she came back into reality.

"Alice, I'm worn out. I have been in a car for 7 hours, played a long game of Putt-Putt, got my head shaved, became very drunk, and had to show my BOOBS to Mike Newton! God Damn-it let me be, let me live!" I cried, falling back onto the ground begging for mercy.

And I started to cry, and cry, and cry. Creating a wet spot on the ground. Alice tapped her foot, impatient.

"Come on now" Alice said, lifting me up by my underarms.

"No!!!!" I screamed as she forced me to the entrance.

* * *

**_My dear readers,_**

**_I have a proposition for you. If one of you guys can give me a good prank for the guys (Jasper and Emmett) to pull at the wedding, I will incorporate your name into the next chapter. The next chapter won't be for a while so ideas will be accepted until Aug. 15th. So get thinking, and review!_**


	9. Streaking and Scaring

****

Thanks for the great ideas! I loved them all, but I had to pick one…

* * *

This chapel was the black hole, rock bottom of wedding chapels. The carpet was a neon pink, and the four pews had red velvet cushions. The walls were white, but had neon signs along them. Ones that said "Love", "Wedding!", and some with just hearts. At the end of the small aisle stood a heavy weight man wearing a too small tux, and when he turned around he had a heart stitched in red on the back.

_Oh God…_

Before I had time to turn around and run out the door, a teenage girl with brown hair ran up to us.

"Oh hi there! My name is Lily, do you guys have a appointment?" She asked

"Oh yes, the Cullen and Swan 10 o'clock slot." Alice answered.

"Okay, here you are." She crossed our name on the list, "You guys can just sit back here on in the pews until your slot." Lily left us there then ran off to another door.

"Alright, Bella. Since you have a pretty suitable dress on we can just wait." Alice said as we sat down in the metal chairs at the back of the chapel.

As we sat down, Rosalie came in. Her dress was creased, and her hair less-good looking.

"Emmett got a little excited being near a church. After all, when we have our weddings we usually are looking forward the honeymoon the most." She grinned, and tucked a lose stand of hair behind her ear.

"Well where are the boys now?" I asked, anxious to see Edward.

"Well, Emmett had to explain something to a cop that caught us, you know. And so he has to explain the misunderstanding. Jasper and Edward should be here any moment." Rose said.

"And I now pronounce you man and wife!" Bellowed the Justice of the Peace.

A tear streaked woman ran hand-in-hand with her new husband, who looked too surprised at the recent events.

"Congrats." Alice said to the couple as they raced out the chapel.

As they left Edward, Jasper, and Emmett entered.

"There you are!" I breathed a sigh of relief, racing into his arms.

"Ready to become Mrs. Cullen, Bella?" Edward chuckled.

"No." I grunted.

"If the slot of Cullen and Swan can come forward." The Justice said, motioning us forward with his hands.

"Show time." Emmett mumbled under his breath. "Great." I said.

As we approached the altar, Emmett and Jasper veered off into the bathrooms. And Alice and Rosalie ran to sit in the front pew. Alice beamed a big smile at me and gave me a thumbs up.

"We are gathered here today to bring together the families of Cullen and Swan. If there is anyone who opposes to the marriage of these two?" The Justice looked out, and when no one said anything, he came back to us.

"Now…" He began before…

"WE'RE THE ANTI-CHRIST WE DON'T APPROVE OF THIS GOD DAMN WEDDING!!!" Cried Jasper and Emmett as they streaked through the room.

"Oh. My. God." I gasped, burying my face into my hands.

Alice and Rosalie just sat and laughed.

"What-what the?" The Justice asked.

"I don't know." I answered.

Jasper and Emmett continued through the chapel, chanting their beliefs. As the Justice opened his mouth to continue the ceremony, Emmett ran over.

"Sir, you cannot allow this to happen." Emmett pleaded.

"Yes I can." The Justice said.

"NO!" Cried Jasper from across the room.

Edward just continued to chuckle beside me.

"You know what! I can't take this any more! I stand here every day and announce people man and wife, and I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He cried, and ran off the altar, out the side door.

"It worked!" Emmett and Jasper cried at the same time.

"What?!?!" I cried, so confused.

"You see Bella," Explained Emmett, "Alice took into consideration what you said about getting married in Vegas, so we came here. But! Alice wouldn't allow you two to be legally married in this dump. So! To stop the wedding we decided to streak and cause a commotion." He finished proudly.

"So this was just a scare?" I asked

"Yep" Alice said proudly as we left the church.

"So now I have to have a real wedding?"

"Yep. What do you think about purple and cream for your colors?"

NO!!!

The End

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_**Thanks for all the help and support on this story! And thanks to DarkLust for the awesome idea! Please review!**_


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